We May Have Hit a Crossroads

Identity is the driving force that guides our decisions; it helps us build meaningful connections and create purpose in our lives. This is no different for your teen. The colleges they choose to apply to are intrinsically tied to their identity at that particular point in time.

I received a call a few weeks ago from a mother whose son had fallen in love with a particular university. He had dreamed up what his life would be there, the friends with whom he’d live off campus, and the major in which he would engage to lead to his intended career. In great anticipation of the college’s decision, he had recently opened the admission portal only to find that his dream school had placed him on the waitlist. He was disappointed, retreating, and at a crossroads.

During adolescence, when teens are further defining their identities, we know they seek greater connection with their peers and less connection to their parents. They can be particularly influenced by others’ opinions. Coupled with their internal motivation to achieve a level of prestige or certain goals, career or otherwise, they can become fixated on one result. In this case, he was in love with this university, and it was “the one” he needed to attend.

Throughout my conversation with his parents, I learned that their son had gone through the entire process with very little adult input, not asking his counselor or his parents for much advice, determined to do it on his own. He hadn’t gone on many campus tours, had only applied to a few universities, and had chosen a highly selective major as his first-choice option. This was hard news for me to hear, and not a position that I want any family to be in.

As a professional IEC, I felt for him and his parents and was pleased to offer some direction. I helped him further develop his activities section and rethink his essays; he was ultimately able to submit a few more applications to colleges whose deadlines had not passed, effectively conveying a much stronger profile. He was indeed thankful, as were the parents. At the end of the day, though, I only wished I had been able to support him much earlier in the process.